Best Concept Ever: Costco

If my childhood were made into a 3 hour biopic starring Angelina Jolie as myself (an obvious choice) then approximately 7/8ths of the movie, excuse me, FILM would take place within a Costco. In other words, I grew up with Costco as my best friend. Not only did he (I'm pretty positive Costco is a man, just because of its robust nature) provide me with a place to spend 2 hours every weekend, but he also gave me ample sustenance free of charge. He was there when no one else was.

Let's begin with the quality of food available at Costco. You can buy caviar by the pound and get seafood in quantities that serve small universities. So Costco, you're telling me that I can buy 6 live Maine lobsters for 140 dollars? Done deal. Thank you Costco. I always trust the food at a store where there is also a funeral department. Often I find myself needing Maine lobsters, a tent, a coffin, and a 48 pack of tiolet paper at the same time. There is no other store on earth where I can get all of those things at once.


Costco also promotes a competitive spirit. The amount of intensity that is brought to the line situation would make Terrell Owens look like a sissy. I have seen numerous full blown arguments, pushing fights, and slap boxing tournaments participated in to merely get to the cash register moments sooner.

Costco gave me every birthday cake, every mid soccer game snack, every discounted movie ticket, every rotisserie chicken, and every stomach ache (from the countless potsticker samples). Also, how do they make money? They must spend thousands of dollars a day on the various samples they give out to patrons. If I were homeless and could pan handle 50 dollars every year, it would be spent on a Costco card, because believe me, I could easily stay alive on the free samples and hide out in one of the numerous tents for sale. Food and shelter: DONE.

Oh did I mention they have an actual food court. Whoever thought that providing an area from which someone who is completely exhausted from shopping could get a warm hotdog or entire pizza is brilliant. Costco is one word: BRILLIANT.